Cunt

I had the pleasure of attending a 1st league soccer match. It was the Bournemouth “Cherries” vs. Swindon. Although not quite what I would imagine a championship league game to be like, it definitely was fun. Even at this level (3rd division game), the stadium was packed. The supporters also seemed to be overly passionate about their side. Firstly, obvious in how they divided the supporters into 2 camps, the Swindon seat section and the Bournemouth seat section. Secondly how the great English language was put to its best use.

The row behind us had running commentary during the whole game. They used “fuck” in all its versatility like masters. Of course there were other words just as flexible to any context. My favourite word of course being “cunt”. To their many skills, I should also mention that they had a great singing voice. The verses “Go home you fucking cunts” closely resembled an operetta being sung – a meter from the tenor.

The Bournemouth supporters are fair though. The commentary was not exclusively directed to the opposing team/supporters. Whenever a Bournemouth player messed up, he too got a couple “cunts” directed his way. And of course, can not forget the referee and line men who being “cunts”, were also “twats” and “fucking idiots”.

Basically all in all, everybody was a “cunt”.

The work colleague I went with and who never swears, still managed a couple of “fucks”.

During the whole game only a few Swindon supporters were escorted out of the stadium. No blood was split or heads cracked in by bottles (which are not allowed into the stadium).

All very civilised. A great time was had by everyone. It was an entertaining game with the “Cherries” winning 3-2.

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Broken Condoms

I had a drink or 2 or … and I wondered to a past memory.  Something I had to get off my chest.

Sometimes you have to relate news which isn’t as bad as it’s received.  You can almost relate it to the “broken condom story”.  You know the 1% where shit goes wrong and you find sperm everywhere except in that tight little latex nipple with just the elastic bit around your dick.

That’s what it felt like telling people, that you have managed for years and built a sudo family, that the department is being dispersed among the rest of the company.  I went through those discussions so quickly.  In my mind I had reconciled the fact that everyone still had a job as a good thing.  Only at the end when the tears were in full effect did I realise that I messed up.  A bad message put into play the one factor you can never control – human emotion.  News can be relayed in so many ways but instead of saying “you have to get the morning-after pill”, I hoped for the best.  This was followed quite quickly by depression on my side and a bit of a mop up over the next few days.

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